“When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat ?”
Chuck Palahniuk, ‘Invisible Monsters’.
Dear Friends,Seekers and Creators,
The world is unravelling faster than we can keep up. Maintaining our sanity and health in the coming year is going to be a challenge. This is why your personal resilience needs to be your top priority.
Without it you will not be able to function, work or support others. We all know the procedure for an emergency whilst on a flight, our mask goes on first.
Resilience Is Your Super Power
Life is about power, resilience is being in your power. If you don’t own your power, someone else will. You are in a daily battle with forces far bigger and with more resources than you for your power. Because your attention is part of your power and there are so many ways it can be drained and wasted away.
You have to make the rules for your life and how you organise yourself this is key to resilience.
That means taking total responsibility, being Response Able…
You are the one who gives meaning and purpose to your life, even though others will try.
That is how Victor Frankl survived the horrors of concentration camps. He recognised the only power left to him was how to create a meaningful purpose to his experiences. His purpose was to learn and use that knowledge to help others. Even though he did not know if release was a possibility it gave him the motivation to survive. He did not rely on hope or that others would save him or spend time fretting about why it was happening to him.
New Definition of Resilience
Resilience used to be about the ability to bounce back after set backs. Which we have all learnt to do in our lives , picking up valuable lessons and skills along the way.
Some are still in desperate situations, fighting to overcome past traumas. I witnessed this when a much loved friend gave up her struggles a couple of weeks ago and took her life to find peace.
That’s how high the stakes are now, with mental health and depression on epidemic levels . We all need to up our resilience as the world descends into more chaos , violence and collapse.
Resilience is now about having the musculature to withstand constant assaults and daily challenges. It’s controlling how you live in a world of uncertainty and risk.
First ….
Do An Honest Personal Resilience Review
What are your current resilience strengths , skills and capabilities ?
You might add humour or ability to listen as vital skills and surprise your self. Even if you don’t make a list at least its got you thinking about being more resilient. What are your coping mechanisms ? Are they healthy, life enhancing , empowering ?
Where do you feel vulnerable of triggered ?
Are there any health areas that need extra care ?
Any relationships that need attention ?
Make Your Resilience Plan
When everything is falling apart having a plan with goals gives you direction, clarity and purpose. Resilience can be learnt, built and increased by intention and effort. I think of it as a daily discipline carried out with love and care for my wellbeing and those I come in contact with.
Prioritise from your review the main areas you want to be stronger more resourceful in.
Identify any perceived barriers, as overcoming these will make you stronger. You can think about how you will feel when you have overcome or completed your challenges.
Then celebrate , acknowledge , even reward to keep your motivation up.
Reflect — Recognise and Reward
Now some tips for Your Empowerment and Resilience
1.Stop having expectations,
Expectations lead to disappointment , lead to anger.
Include any expectations about how you feel you should be treated; as the Boss, Mother, Client or any other role that you imagine is important.
My only unspoken expectations in any relationship are safety and respect. If these expectations are transgressed, I can I either stay and work on it or leave. This I would do on respect in an important relationship, but to any threat I would be long gone.
2. Have intentions and action them.
If they don’t deliver , learn and try again.
3.Make explicit agreements on responsibilities and boundaries with yourself and Others.
This will help in all your relationships to manage expectations and build trust.
4. Leave the Past behind and drop your stories.
Katie Byron asks who would you be without your story ?
5. Don’t Fight what you can’t win, especially reality.
You need to concentrate on what you can change not what you would like to change.
6.Recognise how you show up each day.
Each conversation and action is an expression of your personal power and choice.
Ask how is this choice empowering me or enhancing my life ? Other useful questions when something happens are to ask what’s next? Or What can I learn from this and then move on ?
7. All of the above will build your resilience resources and window of tolerance.
Practise builds resilience and life will give you plenty of opportunities to be stronger .
You resilience , unique skill set and capacities will be an asset to us all and especially to those close and in your community.
We are being increasingly tested, some will not be strong enough or are weak and tired. Your health, physically mentally , emotionally and spiritually is a top priority now and no longer an indulgence. We are going into the unknown and need to be as capable and resourceful as possible. Islands of Calm and Sanity in the increasing storms.
Let me know in the comments any of your resilience tips and suggestions, then we can support each other.
Podcast Recommendations , This is a wonderful, truthful conversation. There is also a short follow up on Sarah’s Substack.
I Recommend Meg’s Book Who Do We Choose To Be , about us now being Warriors For The Human Spirit.
Onwards and Upwards,
With Love,
Susan